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The Son and the Stars

Tomorrow my only child is due to have her first baby, a boy.

I’ve been helping her and my son in law to decorate the nursery (and every other last thing they could think of to chuck paint at) making things for their new freezer, shopping for bits and bobs, and now I’m back at home packing my own little bag in readiness for a week or so in London when her time comes. I’ve been fairly laid back, indeed sanguine, for all these preceding months; now it is as if my own hormones are asserting themselves: I cry at the drop of a hat, I feel overwhelmed with love and fear for the journey my precious girl is about to embark on. I think of her own pains and fears, joys and sorrows both for the birthing process and the years to come. I think of the blessing of a sense of continuance, wholly unlooked for yet so powerful and, also unexpected, the even greater bond that is already developing between she and I. Paradoxically, I feel calm and confident and capable, completely ready for this new role of ‘grandmother’ – I am so, so ready to fill those boots!

I had no mother. No-one to guide or support, no-one for me to snap and bark at through the teenage years, nor to act as buffer between my fragile sense of reality and a scary world when I stepped out into it as a fledgling musician and actor. When it was my time to bring a child into the world, the whole process of preparing and giving birth to her and then bringing her up, well – it was like sailing across a great, blind sea without rudder or compass, just the stars and an ocean of love to buoy us up and keep us afloat. It was wonderful! Those years as a mother were some of the hardest and most beautiful of my life. These days they are just beautiful. A little like Reiki, the most ordinary and the most extraordinary reside gently together, lighting up life regardless of the daily humdrum details of daily living. Reiki – The bigger picture and the detail. What a blessing!

More than ever am I grateful for and to my Reiki family and my practice – my solid bedrock of ‘elder’ wisdom – my compass, always pointing to the stars. And now my lovely girl, a woman entering her mothering years, will be compass, stars, and all the world to her beautiful boy until he is able to steer his own course and follow his own star.

1 comment to The Son and the Stars

  • Adam

    Nicely put.

    Sending blessings for the start of your daughter’s journey through motherhood…and to you as you start your journey as ‘grandmother’.

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